| Online
Dating
Tips
Online dating is fun and convenient, but it is not without
problems ranging from general annoyances to outright risks
While we hope you have fun, meet great people and find
the love of your life, please take a few minutes to go
over the tips outlined below. Although not totally conclusive
we hope they will help prevent any unfortunate instances.
The final decision maker is you. Please remember to always
use sound judgment and be responsible for your own conduct.
1. Take your time
This isn’t a race. If someone is pressuring you in
any way that makes you feel uncomfortable, just pull back,
take a deep breath and reassess the situation. As long
as you are online, you are in control.
2. Protect your identity
Most of the dating sites we are aware of suggest you use
a name other than your own as a user name and profile name.
Again most dating services use technology to protect your
identity. It is referred to as a double blind system. That
means that the person you are messaging to, chatting with,
does not know your true identity. The only way they can
learn anything personal about you is if you volunteer it.
If you are comfortable with that arrangement, that is okay
but, don’t disclose it in a public chat room or on
a bulletin board system. Most dating service messaging
systems are one to one and secure within the system.
3. The telephone
The telephone is a great device to talk to someone. A cell
phone is even better. Why you ask. Cell phones are not
listed in reverse phone directories yet. This goes back
to your personal security. With your wired home phone someone
could find out where you live with out your permission.
Also shut off the caller ID. With a cell phone, you are
just another blip in thin air. One of our fans wrote and
said to get a disposable cell phone. We like that idea!!
4. Listen
Listen with your ears and your eyes. Usually the first
exposure you have to someone online is their profile. Look
it over carefully. Then when you are messaging and chatting
be aware of inconsistencies. They may be nothing, but then
again. When talking on the phone, the same awareness to “things” that
don’t match up should raise flags. Then when you
finally meet, does it all confirm itself or just fall apart.
5. Pictures
If the person contacting you doesn't have a photo
on their profile, ask to see one. If they have an objection
maybe that is a red flag you should pay attention to, especially
if you have your photo on your profile. Many of the dating
sites have the ability to password protect a photo, but
really what is the big deal about a photo? Maybe they are
afraid their spouse will see their photo on the dating
site, which raises a whole new issue.
6. The face to face
Meeting in a dimly lit alley is probably not the best idea.
Most people feel that meeting in a well lit public place
in the middle of the day, with other people around is preferable.
A coffee shop like Starbucks or Peets seems ideal. Light,
people, public, relaxing. If the person turns out to be
not what you expected you are only out a cup of coffee.
7. Out of town
If the person is traveling from out of town the same rules
should apply. It was nice they went out of their way, but
that does not confer special privileges. The same applies
if you are the one doing the traveling. The surroundings
are different, you are not on your “turf”.
If you are staying overnight, make your own arrangements.
Remember you are not obligated to provide the person you
are meeting any details until you feel secure. This way
you are in control.
8.
Can you ever be over-cautious – this
was borrowed from our friends at Match.com
Watch for red flags
Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration
or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive
manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any
physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You
should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following
behavior without providing an acceptable explanation:
a. Provides inconsistent information about age, interests,
appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
b. Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing
ongoing, online intimacy.
c. Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
d. Appears significantly different in person from his or
her online persona.
e. Never introduces you to friends, professional associates
or family members.
9. Lifesaver
If you feel uncomfortable in any situation don’t
hesitate to call the local police. If they are not comfortably
available you could always cause a scene to attract attention.
If someone means you harm, having everyone in the place
staring at you should dissuade anyone. That is why well
lit, public places with plenty of people are your best
bet when first meeting someone. Finally let someone else,
a friend maybe know what you are doing, where you are going
to meet and when to expect you back. Just a little extra
insurance.
10. Risk perspective
While there are risks associated with online dating, there
are risks going to a bar, party or a drive in the country.
We think online dating services provide one of the safest
venues for finding friends and lovers. It allows you to
pace the relationship and maintain control. Above all,
exercise of common sense and caution should get you where
you want to go safely
Well, those are our tips / cautions for now. Please check
back on occasion as we will hope to add to this list. If
you have any additions or thoughts please forward them
along to us so that we can share them with everyone else.
NinaG
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